i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We are all done wearing pants today
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
