Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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