Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
