What a fucking waste of an outfit
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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