He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
