The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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