I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
