she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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