If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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