im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
