I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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