I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, beer. Big fan.
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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