New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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