I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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