i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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