it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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