Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
