just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
