Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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