? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
