new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
