Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
