you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
