First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
