Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize