Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
