you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
