Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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