your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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