I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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