Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
