so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
