I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
