thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
