hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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