We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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