Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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