fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
