My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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