she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize