meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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