My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
