he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
