lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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