Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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