dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
