He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm jealous of your bromance
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
