Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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