so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
