ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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