Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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