you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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