So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize