I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
