I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
