she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We need to get me chipped asap
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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