dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
