My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
