I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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