she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
