he thought i was a dude.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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