I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
