I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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