there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
