i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
