I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
