forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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