Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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