No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
