It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
